____
] ___ .-~. /_"-._
] `-._~-. / /_ "~o\ :Y
] \ \ / : \~x. ` ')
] ] Y / | Y[ ~-.__j DIE BARNEY! DIE!
] / ! _.--~T : l l[ /.-~ /
] / / ____.--~ . ` l /~\ \[|Y ~~~~~
] / / .-~~" /| . ',-~\ \L|
] / / / .^ \ Y~Y \.^]/l_ "--'
] / Y .-"( . l__ j_j l_/ /~_.-~ .
] Y l / \ ) ~~~." / `/"~ / \.__/l_
] | \ _.-" ~-{__ l : l._Z~-.___.--~
] | ~---~ / ~~"---\_ ' __[]
] l . _.^ ___ _]-y~
] \ \ . .-~ .-~ ~]--" / __ I love you...
] \ ~---" / ./ _.-' / oo\ /
] "-.,_____.,_ _.--~\ _.-~ _.( .\..| _
] ~~ ( _} (_ \\_\==//_)
] `. ~( \| | \_/
] ) \ /.\_//
] /,`--'~\--'~\ \) L)
] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
]
]119 ways Barney should die
]- - --------------------------
] 1. Nitroglycerin suppository
] 2. My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
] 3. Paper cuts from hate mail
] 4. Wine press
] 5. Random act of terrorism
] 6. Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
] acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
] 7. Clubbed by a baby seal hunter
] 8. Exploding gas barbeque
] 9. Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding
]10. Rusty meat hook
]11. Pulp digester / Saw mill
]12. Sexually transmitted disease
]13. Lethal injestion of bean sprouts and tofu
]14. Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
]15. Baney meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...BARNEY!".
]16. Exploding school bus
]17. Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Barney loves to spread
] love and happiness to all of the carnivores.
]18. Childrens Tylenol laced with cyanide
]19. Sacrifice to a tribal god
]20. Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
]21. Trampling by thousands of tiny spongie feet
]22. Asphixiation on a twinkie
]23. Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck (with static line?)
]24. 1000 RPM merry-go-round
]25. Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
]26. Dragged behind a schoolbus on a gravel road
]27. Tail caught in elevator doors
]28. Legalization of purple slavery
]29. Home lobotomy kit
]30. Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g.
] nitric, chromic, hydroflouric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
]31. Add crushed glass to his granola or high fibre cereal.
]32. Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Barney could become a symbol for
] white supremisy)
]33. Close encounter with a white supremist.
]34. Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun. 'after burners?'
]35. Submerged into a CANDU reactor
]36. Swarmed by killer bees
]37. Purple parasites
]38. Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is he the
] ring leader in disguise)
]39. Chopped up into pet food (Purina Barney chow)
]40. Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
]41. Assilimation by the Borg.
]42. Accupunture with a nail gun
]43. Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
]43. Barney meets Mr. Chainsaw
]44. Hit and run at a school crossing
]45. Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
]46. Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
]47. Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
]48. Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
]49. Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
]50. Harpooned by a whaling ship
]51. Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummelled with a
] baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature).
]52. Served as Thanksgiving dinner (not at my house thank you)
]53. Eaten by the homeless (Barney pate anyone?)
]54. OOPS! Barney shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
]55. Mistaken for a Pinyata
]56. Run over by a zamboni
]57. "I love you" song triggers avalanche.
]58. "Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
]59. Nuclear warhead explodes at ground BARNEY. (finally a way to
] dispose of our nuclear arsenal)
]60. Scientific experiments on BARNEY sublimation temperature.
]61. Crushed between plates in a fault line. (Its San Andreas's fault)
]62. Blended into McBarney shakes, and pressed into McBarney patties
] (would you like McFries with that?)
]63. Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Barney?
]64. Used as a crashtest dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what
] can happen to you if you don't wear your seatbelt.
]65. Barney becomes one with Oscar Myer.
]66. Barney used as shark bait.
]67. Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
]68. Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting
] this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through purple flesh with ease.
]69. Diplomatic mission with Klingons
]70. Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
]71. Nato air strike.
]72. Live organ donor.
]73. Egyptian mummificaton ritual.
]74. Plummet into an active volcano. (Dante didn't work!!)
]75. Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants.
]76. Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
]77. Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
]78. Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
]79. Purple Jonestown reagent.
]80. Visit to the taxidermist.
]81. Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
]82. Take him off Prozac. (Just goes to show Prozac is evil)
]83. Forced to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
]84. 100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
]85. Give him a lead role in a snuff film.
]86. Tar and feathered by crazed parents.
]87. Spontaneous combustion.
]88. Bludgeoned to purple paste.
]89. Compressed to a singularity.
]90. Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
]91. Send him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
]92. The plague
]93. Extruded through microcapilliaries.
]94. Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
]95. Barney goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
]97. Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Barney's head is full of worms.
]98. Massage with a stun gun.
]99. Heat pastuerization.
]100. Barney stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
]101. Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
]102. Barney meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty
] pieces.)
]103. Put Barney in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
]104. Put Barney in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
]105. Make him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
]106. Use him as a zap-o-matic target.
]107. Paint him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
]108. Paint him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
]109. Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglus Adams).
]110. Put a horse collar on him and abandom him on alt.sex.beastiality.
] (He all ready has the news group netnews.alt.sex.beastiality.barney)
]111. Stick him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
]112. Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
]113. Put him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set
] of Ginsu(tm) knives.
]114. Barney scrapple.
]115. Bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
]116. Tell Tipper Gore he sings on how to masterbate.
]117. Recreate the Challenger accident woth Barney playing substitute teacher.
]118. Use Barney as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
]119. Put him in Mr. MacDonald's Blue Bio class.
Sorry if this offended anyone!
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