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Feminist Jokes

God created ADAM and informed him that he had given him a brain and a penis. The brain was a good gift as it allowed him to do many things. The penis was also a good thing as it allowed the race to continue. The problem was that He (God) had only given ADAM enough of a blood supply so that he could only use one of them at a time....

Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

Q: What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?
A: A hot dog and a six pack.

Q: Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Little sister answers the door and announces your date is here...she yells out, "Shelly, Mr. Four and a Half Inches is here!"

Q: What's the best thing to come out of a penis?
A: The wrinkles!

Q: How did the angry guy try to kill his pet bird?
A: Throw it off a cliff.

Q: Why do men like BMWs?
A: They can spell it.

Q: What does a smart guy do in an M&M factory?
A: Proofread.

Q: Why did the man fill his waterbed with beer?
A: He wanted a foam mattress.

Q: Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?
A: So men can understand them.

Q: What is the difference between Government Bonds and men?
A: Government Bonds mature.

Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his legs so that you can vacuum.

Q: What does a man say when he looks in a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look, donut seeds!"

Q: Why are men like paper cups?
A: They're dispensable

Q: Whats the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: ET phoned home.

Q: Why are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water . They lack taste. They need dough.

Q: Why do Blonde Women have bruises around their navals?
A: Blonde men are stupid too.

Q: How can you tell if a man is a WASP?
A: He gets out of the shower to pee.

Q: What does a woman have to do to keep a man interested?
A: Wear perfume that smells like beer.

Q: When a woman gets married she wants the 3 S's (sensitivity, sincerity, and sharing) what does she get?
A: The 3 B's: Burps, Body Odor, and Beer Breath.

Q: Whats the only exercise men get?
A: Sucking in their stomaches when a bikini walks by.

Q: How do you force a man to do situps?
A: Put the remote between his toes.

Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this" and he made woman.

Q: How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A: We (women) cook/they (men) eat; we clean/they dirty; we iron/they wrinkle.

Here's a good putdown line for woman:
A man walks up and says haven't we met before?
Say YES, I'm , the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.

Q: Why are men like commercials?
A: You cant believe a word they say.

Q: Why are men like popcorn?
A: They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Q: Why are men and stray paint alike?
A: One squeeze and they're all over you.

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Q: Why is food better than men?
A: Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

Q: Why do women fake orgasm?
A: Because men fake foreplay.

Q: Why do men prefer blondes?
A: Men always like intellectual company

Q: Why are women so bad at mathemetics?
A: Because men keep telling them that this...


...is 12 inches.

Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

Typical man:
At the critical moment, he can't get it up, he asks the woman, "Does this happen to you often?"

Q: What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?
A: Divorced

Q: What do you call a woman without an asshole ?
A: Divorced.

Q: What is the diference between
a) a toilet
b) the 'g' spot
c) wedding anniversaries
A: Nothing really -- men seem to miss them all!

"Men are like toilets.
or full of crap."

Suzie: "Can you beat my total of 71 men?"
Jane: "If you supply the whips."

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
-Jackie Mason

"A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

last updated: 28 Aug 1998

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Copyright 1999, by T. P. O'Halloran and Fly By Night Publishing Corporation